Registry Woes

I would like to take a moment to say something about wedding registries… If you don’t want to read my opinion, stop now… because that’s all this is… my opinion. I’m making an effort to deliver it with tact and patience, but I am speaking about something I disagree with… so don’t expect fluff and rainbows, either.

Wedding registries for a first marriage, new couple… make sense.

For example, a very good friend of mine (my RCIA sponsor also, as a matter of fact) is marrying off her daughter next weekend (2/22) … This is a dear friend who I love and am honored to be invited to share this special day with her family! I don’t know the daughter or the future son-in-law, so the wedding registry is a huge help! I don’t know what they like or need.

When family members have married (for example, my step-daughter or my niece by marriage), it’s a useful suggestion. I know these people a little better, so I have ideas and a registry just confirms or helps me tweak my ideas. Useful indeed.

Wedding registries for a second or subsequent marriage… or people who have already lived together for several years… are just greedy. I mean, what do you need if you’ve already set up house? (The grey area would be a case where it was the first marriage for one member of the couple and no cohabitation had occurred… then, perhaps.)

This second type of registry (of an extended family member) recently came to my attention. As I clicked on the link out of pure curiosity, I felt a confirmation of my opinion. This couple, who both were previously married and who have lived together for the past year. They have set up house for a year now, and yet the registry includes small appliances and such that one would need at the onset of sharing a house. *sigh*

If you’re going to set up a registry for a second marriage, at least be realistic about it. Don’t ask for a new toaster or a $200 coffee maker or whatever. Greed is unattractive.

This theory applies to baby showers and registries as well. First baby makes sense… you have nothing for babies. For the second baby, maybe a diaper shower or something but not a full-blown baby shower with a registry that includes a new crib and stroller system and the works. Reuse that stuff from the first baby, don’t be greedy! And if a well-meaning friend or relative insists on hosting a shower for baby #2 then be realistic. Either don’t create a registry or request items that don’t carry over from baby to baby… like diapers or bottles. Greed is unattractive. The exception, of course, would be when a long time – say 5 or 10 years? – had passed between pregnancies or maybe where adoption created special circumstances.

Also, according to Emily Post , you should never solicit your registry in your invitation. (Although, she is ok with anyone doing a registry… I respectfully disagree with her on that.)

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Posted in Gift-Giving

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